TokisoM Writes

Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if my absent father was a present one… Would I have a better understanding of gender roles in society? Would I trust men? Would I have more faith in people? Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if he cared… Would I be less hard on myself? Would I judge less? Would my hunger for a better life be less aggressive? Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if he helped financially... Would I have gone further with my studies? Would I have gone to a better high-school and gotten better opportunities? Would I view the world any different to what I do now? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if he called… Would my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice? Would I call him ‘daddy’? Would I be happy? I've stopped wondering! I’ve accepted my reality; I just pray that should I have a child… They don’t wonder…

I believe in fairy tales because they afford me the opportunity to dream the impossible. Think of Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. All these stories had a happy ending regardless of how crazy the story line was.  Our world has become so twisted and crazy that it’s getting harder to keep positive. Petrol price in South Africa is making motorists stupid, unemployment is on the rise, companies are retrenching; atrocious crimes are on the rise and let’s not even talk about the wretched state of our political affairs. There is so much to complain about and so much to look at that proves that nothing is working out. But I still believe in happy endings. They happen every day in small moments; the giggle of a 9-month old baby or their attempt at walking. That BBM from a friend sending you love – just because they miss you, a shared joke with a sibling that leaves your tummy in pain. Flirting with the guy helping you at the till – it’s cute because you both know that it...