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Book Review: How to win friends and influence people

I am excited that I am slowly finding my reading-for-pleasure rhythm after the two-year break of focusing on academics and becoming a new mom. It is only when you are done with your post-grad studies do you realise to what extent you sacrificed so much of your life to see it through.

So, after a good two years of a limited social life and putting my fitness business on pause - I had to figure out how to be a social person again. Mind you in that two it was not just books I was focused on but I also moved houses twice due to a natural disaster and became a mom. So I come out of these two years a totally different person. Picking up Dale Carnegie's HowTo Win Friends and Influence People was perfect timing for this current phase of relearning myself and how I fit into the world again.

The book was first released in 1936 and since then has sold over 15-million copies. I understand why it has such staying power. It is easy to digest read, short chapters and gets straight to the point. 

Each principal shared by Carnegie is accompanied by actual proof points of people who used said principal. The testimonials were great and gave practical examples of how to implement the teachings, unfortunately to some degree they were a bit too much for my liking. One or two examples would have been sufficient but the author would really want to drive the point home and the examples would get exhausting. Maybe that was the writing style of 1936 - in 2019 we are good with two examples max.

I have one simple rule when reading self-help books, put the lessons into action as soon as possible.
It is the only way to actually give feedback if the book is realistic or not.

Either than needing to get back into social living, I work for a communication firm and run a fitness company. Both spaces require people interaction. My role is to lead and to follow. So from the first chapter of this book I could implement the teachings.

Carnegie divides the book into four parts:

  • fundamental techniques in handling people,
  • six ways to make people like you,
  • how to win people to your way of thinking,
  • be a leader: how to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment. 

My key takeouts from the teachings were:

  • Be kind, even when you are correcting someone. People are more likely to listen and respect you if you do not make them feel small.
  • Listen more than you talk. Genuinely listening to people, noting their pain points and remembering personal things they shared with you will make it easier to win friends and influence people.
  • Nurture relationships. Do not only show up in people's lives when you need them. Be present.
  • Give praise. Everybody wants to feel special. Applaud people for their wins and talents. Ensure that you are genuine about it.
  • Remember names and how to pronounce them properly. It shows respect for the individual.
I am practicing the teachings and so far I have seen improvement with my relationship with my fitness clients, grew my client base and have dealt much better with managing my team at my communication day job. 

By focusing more on ensuring I behave better, I have realised that I no longer take complaints personally but seek to understand and improve. I have walked into rooms that were tense and held my own because I came with the mindset to serve and not defend. 

I really wish I had read this book earlier. And I will probably read it again at a later stage to refresh my mind. 

If you are on a journey of redefining yourself within your circles, I'd recommend this book. 


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