TokisoM Writes

Being a woman is not easy. I’m not comparing it to being a man because I’m not a man and don’t really understand a man’s struggle. I’m simply saying that being a woman is not easy. I’ve always heard older women say it and maybe have said it before without really understanding it when I was younger. But right now, as I type this, and you read it – I feel the struggle that is being a woman, especially in the career aspect of my life. On my birthday the one person who knows me best, my mother, blessed me with this book: Nice Girls Don’t Get The CornerOffice 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers byLois P. Frankel, PhD . This book explained the anxiety that has been haunting me most of 2012. I’ve worked hard, taken on new tasks at work, took on courses and challenged my writing. But I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was doing something wrong or missing something. I tried to fill this feeling by working longer hours, spent less times w...

He lied and lied and lied and lied! I knew he was lying but I stayed. Blamed it on love and wasted emotions on a man not deserving. Ultimately God got me out of there without a child or a disease. But every now and then I look back and wonder why I stayed. I listen to stories now of abuse, betrayal, dishonesty, and wonder why they stay. Men and women of all shapes, sizes, education and race stay in bad unhealthy relationships for way too long. I know there was a lesson to be learnt which I think I’ve learnt but in the first year I should have waved goodbye and kept moving. But we go back. Is it fear? Is it their sweet tongues that lick the wounds? Is it a need for a return on investment? The whole idea of a relationship seems all so sweet. You meet, you love and you grow old together. (In an ideal world) I always heard of heartbreak as a kid and thought light of it. You sometimes go through a couple of relationships before you come across that one relationship tha...

Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if my absent father was a present one… Would I have a better understanding of gender roles in society? Would I trust men? Would I have more faith in people? Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if he cared… Would I be less hard on myself? Would I judge less? Would my hunger for a better life be less aggressive? Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if he helped financially... Would I have gone further with my studies? Would I have gone to a better high-school and gotten better opportunities? Would I view the world any different to what I do now? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if he called… Would my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice? Would I call him ‘daddy’? Would I be happy? I've stopped wondering! I’ve accepted my reality; I just pray that should I have a child… They don’t wonder…

I believe in fairy tales because they afford me the opportunity to dream the impossible. Think of Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. All these stories had a happy ending regardless of how crazy the story line was.  Our world has become so twisted and crazy that it’s getting harder to keep positive. Petrol price in South Africa is making motorists stupid, unemployment is on the rise, companies are retrenching; atrocious crimes are on the rise and let’s not even talk about the wretched state of our political affairs. There is so much to complain about and so much to look at that proves that nothing is working out. But I still believe in happy endings. They happen every day in small moments; the giggle of a 9-month old baby or their attempt at walking. That BBM from a friend sending you love – just because they miss you, a shared joke with a sibling that leaves your tummy in pain. Flirting with the guy helping you at the till – it’s cute because you both know that it...

“I’m not one to judge other genres of music. Everybody must be given the space to do their thing. I don’t expect you to sing to Zabalaza at 4am at a party” – said Thandiswa Mazwai to an audience member when asked her thoughts about the current state of Kwaito. My admiration for Thandiswa grew at that very moment. She clearly has no higher than thou attitude about her music. I believe more people need to learn that kind of attitude. You may like your music, books, movies or whatever but don’t raise your nose at people with a different taste to yours. Do you and let others do themselves. This type of intimate session was the first of many hosted by Thandiswa’s younger sister Ntsiki Mazwai. Called Mama Said Sessions, they are hosted every last Sunday of the month at Roodepoort Theatre, West of Johannesburg. The sessions include dialogue with established artists, poetry, a live band and open mic. Ntsiki invited her sister and the legendary Dorothy Masuku. What an amazing...

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” – Maya Angelou. A profound quote by Maya Angelou; it’s one that speaks to me now in my life more than ever. The three part blog titled “ We live We learn ” was me trying to explore the uncomfortable feelings of life not going as planned.  Although one wants to play tough and act like we got things under control when in actual fact all sorts of emotions are boiling inside of us. A full day has, day and night – therefore a full human cycle has the good and bad. My biggest challenge is accepting that things don’t always go as planned - accepting the bad. I've always followed a plan and for a good part of my life that plan always worked out. But recently I see plans not becoming a reality – as and when I want them to be. I’m letting go. After reading an article in Essence magazine I was comforted in knowing that I’m not the only person who experiences a bit of a life frus...

The art of frustration! Yeah I’m still trying to understand these undesirable emotions that are present in our lives…okay let me say my life. I’d really like to convince myself until I believe it that I’m the most positive person I know but life has a funny way of testing titles we place on our selves. The year began and I had beautiful quotes about the “positivity of life” dripping from my tongue. This was the status quo until it was put to the test; from family to work to friendships…everything. I was hit and probably still hit by a hurricane: rough times of note. My life boat rocked so hard waking up in the morning was damn near impossible. Going to work and performing felt like punishment from the devil himself. Living was hard labour. It’s during these times you notice that you are putting in so much into everything but the returns are not adding up. But Winston Churchill said it well, “If you are going through hell; keep going”. I’m not going to give you the ‘So...